The pain is real!

I’m currently experiencing a flare-up. Tonight, we had a social gathering at my house, which had been planned well in advance. I couldn’t help but feel overwhelming guilt for my inability to clean the house or actively participate in the event. However, my best friend intervened when I began to explain why I had “dropped the ball.” She gently reminded me that being sick isn’t my fault, and it’s completely acceptable if all I managed to do today was simply survive.

She emphasized the importance of accepting help and support without carrying the burden of guilt, a concept I struggle with immensely. There’s this constant feeling that I should always be highly functional, even when the pain reaches a debilitating 10/10, leaving me in tears and unable to endure it any longer. Why, though, do we find ourselves plagued by guilt when we’re grappling with illness?

Feeling guilty when we aren’t productive can be attributed to several factors, both internal and external:

1. Societal Expectations: Society often places a significant emphasis on productivity as a measure of success and worth. Many cultures promote the idea that constantly being busy and achieving goals is virtuous. When we fall short of these expectations due to illness or other reasons, we may feel guilty for not meeting these societal standards.
2. Self-Expectations: We set personal expectations and goals for ourselves, and when we can’t meet them due to illness or other challenges, we may experience guilt. This can be especially true for individuals who have high personal standards and perfectionist tendencies.
3. Comparison: We tend to compare ourselves to others, especially in the age of social media, where people often showcase their accomplishments and highlight their productivity. Seeing others seemingly doing more can intensify our feelings of guilt when we’re not as productive.
4. Fear of Letting Others Down: If our inability to be productive affects others, such as coworkers, friends, or family members, we may feel guilty for letting them down or not fulfilling our responsibilities.
5. Internalized Messages: Sometimes, we internalize messages from childhood or past experiences that associate productivity with self-worth. These ingrained beliefs can contribute to feelings of guilt when we’re not productive.
6. Lack of Understanding: People who haven’t experienced chronic illness or other personal challenges may not fully understand the limitations these conditions impose. Their lack of understanding can lead to judgment or criticism, which can further intensify feelings of guilt.
7. Loss of Control: Illness or unforeseen circumstances can make us feel like we’ve lost control over our lives. This loss of control can trigger feelings of guilt because we believe we should be able to maintain control over our productivity and well-being.

It’s important to recognize that feeling guilty for not being productive, especially when dealing with illness or personal challenges, is not rational or fair to oneself. It’s crucial to practice self-compassion, understand that everyone has limitations, and seek support and understanding from friends, family, or mental health professionals when needed. Adjusting expectations, setting realistic goals, and focusing on self-care can also help alleviate these feelings of guilt.